| "And Grandma, what an enormous and fine nose you have."
"Naturally, I could have had it fixed to help my acting career, but I
didn't give in to such societal pressures, my child."
"And Grandma, what very big, sharp teeth you have!"
The Wolf could not take any more of these specist slurs, and, in a reaction
appropriate for his accustomed milieu, he leaped out of bed, grabbed Little
Red Riding Hood, and opened his jaws so wide that she could see her poor
Grandmother cowering in his belly.
"Aren't you forgetting something?" Red Riding Hood bravely
shouted. "You must request my permission before proceeding in a new level
of intimacy!"
The Wolf was so startled by this statement that he loosened his grasp on
her.
At the same time, the woodchopper burst into the cottage, brandishing an
ax.
"Hands off!" cried the woodchopper.
"And what do you think you're doing?" cried Little Red Riding
Hood. "If I let you help me now, I would be expressing a lack of
confidence in my own abilities, which would lead to poor self esteem and lower
achievement scores on college entrance exams."
"Last chance, sister! Get your hands off that endangered species! This
is an FBI sting!" screamed the woodchopper, and when Little Red Riding
Hood nonetheless made a sudden motion, he sliced off her head.
 "Thank goodness you
got here in time," said the Wolf.
"The brat and her grandmother lured me in here. I though I was a
goner."
"No, I think I'm the real victim, here," said the woodchopper.
"I've been dealing with my anger ever since I saw her picking those
protected flowers earlier. And now I'm going to have such a trauma. Do you
have any aspirin?"
"Sure" said the Wolf.
"Thanks."
"I feel your pain," said the Wolf, giving a little belch, and
said "Do you have any medicine for an upset stomach?" |
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